Archive for February 2006

Quis Custodis Ipsos Custodes?

February 27, 2006

There seems to be a consensus among the main-stream media, and in particular RTE, that no mention of the Garda Siothcana can be made unless it is prefaced with comments to the effect that we have a wonderful police force and nobody is having a go at the guards.

I beg to differ.  We have a dreadful police service in this country.

I’m sure there are members of the Garda Siothcana who are good, hard-working, conscientious people.  But I’m equally sure that there are at least as many members of the Garda Siothcana who are arrogant and lazy and consider themselves to be above the law.

It is also quite obvious that, as a force, the Garda Siothcana are demoralised and undermanned.

Above all, they are appallingly managed by a higher echelon which has neither the ability or the training to oversee the running of a modern police service.

Add to the mix a Minister for Justice whose sole concern is scoring political points against against those who threaten to remove the plush Ministerial Mercedes leather from beneath his ample backside, and you have a recipe for the complete shambles that is the Garda Siothcana.

A Pointless Exercise

February 27, 2006

So now we know.  Even the guards are totally confused by the penalty points system.

When drivers reach the dreaded twelve points, there is apparently no agreed mechanism for taking away their licences.  As a result, drivers who should be suspended simply carry on truckin’ with impunity.

As for the all-singing-and-dancing hand-held units that the guards were supposed to be equipped with, apparently they require the entry of so much information – in order to conform to legislation – that gardai are reverting to the traditional notebooks.

Never mind, they can be stored along with the electronic voting machines.

 

The only surprise is that it came as a shock

February 25, 2006

Mrs. Knucklehead and the young Knuckleheads were under strict instructions not to venture anywhere near the centre of Dublin today.

The first surprise of the day was that they actually paid attention to something I said and stayed at home.  The second was that the authorities were shocked by the level of violence.

Why?

If you plonk several hundred unionists/loyalists in the middle of Dublin, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted public official that it’s an open invitation to every gurrier and pub patriot for miles around to pick up a brick and come a-runnin’.

Mind you, speaking of dim-wits, Mickey McDrool had other things on his mind yesterday rather than overseeing security arrangements for the march.

Winding up Bertie Ahern is clearly a higher priority for our Minister for Justice.

Would sir like leg or breast…or arm…?

February 25, 2006

A British artist has created a life-sized model of her own body – in bread.  And on Sunday, she intends to watch the audience at an exhibition eat her alter ego.

Which should lead to some interesting snippets of conversation:

“Have you tried a pinky?  Very tasty, I must say.”

“Indeed.  And it’s so handy for the dip.”

 Or:

“Arse?”

“Same to you, dipstick!”

“No, no, I was just wondering if you wanted a slice.”

Tail Wags Dog, According to Rottweiller

February 24, 2006

I see Mickey McDowell is at it again, claiming it doesn’t matter whether Bertie Ahern or Enda Kenny is the next Taoiseach.  And he does have a point.

Mind you, by the same token, it wouldn’t matter whether Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck were the next Minister for Justice.  Either of them would do a far better job than the present incumbent.

Also according to McDruel, it’s the minor partner in a coalition that defines its direction.

“It’s not the more bulky bread which gives a sandwich its taste. Rather, it’s the meat which gives a sandwich its flavour,” he said, by way of illustration.

Which presumably explains why the present Coalition Government gives off the distinct aroma of a shit sandwich.

Wild Waters

February 24, 2006

Don’t you just wish John Waters would put a sock in it and stop moaning about his Eurovision song?

In the words of Ross O’Carroll-Kelly, he should build a bridge and get over it.

A bridge over troubled Waters, you might say…

 

How many crocodiles can you get in a car boot?

February 24, 2006

Ten, apparently.  At any rate, that’s the number of crocodiles discovered in the boot of a car stopped by police and SPCA officials outside Newry on Thursday.  A variety of poisonous reptiles was also found in the boot.  (No, really!)

There were red faces all round, however, when the occupants of the boot turned out to be a DUP delegation on its way to Dublin for this weekend’s ‘Love Ulster’ parade.